It’s a lament I hear often from my friends; as an adult, it’s hard to make friends. There are no organized playdates, no guarantee of seeing each other in class each day. Sometimes there are people that you friend at work, but that’s not everybody’s situation. As we age, we tend to get more set in our ways, settled into our grooves and stepping outside of our comfort zone can be frightening.
I myself have had a wide group of friends and a small group of friends; my circles shift with the ebb and flow of life, kids’ activities, jobs and geography. As a military wife, I was accustomed to the changes, but now my husband is retired from that active duty life; we have lived in Oklahoma for 10 years (gasp); and many of the friends I’ve made through my children (and the MOMS Club connections) have drifted as we are all attending different schools, kids are participating in different activities. We’re still friendly, and I’ve made some life-long friends, but that solid group of ladies who would meet me for an impromptu playdate at the park has drifted. I’m finding myself in need of a new circle.
Enter MWF Seeking BFF, a book by Rachel Bertsche that follows her year-long quest for friendship. The circumstances are different (she moved back to her hometown of Chicago after living for years in NYC) but the story is the same: where do you go as an adult to find new friends?
Bertsche’s quest is entwined with her own research on friends and making friends, experts that she consulted and books that she read. It makes for a fascinating read about adult relationships, and serves as a reminder that we are all looking to make positive connections in life.
I’ve been inspired to reach out more, to talk to people when previously (like Bertsche), I might have kept my head down or just smiled awkwardly when a stranger says hello or tries to engage me in conversation.
Inspired to begin your own friend quest? Find this title at your favorite local or online bookseller, or read more about Bertsche’s journey at mwfseekingbff.com.
I would really like to read this. Making friends as an adult with kids is incredibly difficult for me, and the friends I tend to keep are mostly online. We meet by email.
I have to admit, before Twitter and Facebook, my friend-circle was thinning. I still had a lifelong BFF but she lives 300 miles away. Thankfully, since 2009, many of my “computer friends” have easily transitioned in to really and true live friends but it’s tough out there. As adults, particularly with children, our lives are so busy it’s hard to take time to invest in people the way we did in high school.
I bet I would enjoy this book very much. Thanks, Mari.
What a great idea for a book! Things are a little easier now with Facebook and Twitter–and Meetup, though I’m not sure if that’s gone the way of MySpace by now. But yeesh, when you’re a kid everyone’s in the same boat. There are teachers to complain about, homework to struggle over, and sure, maybe there’s one person who’s parents don’t drive them crazy but it’s not like they admit it!
When you’re an adult you actually find out what you like and don’t like and you have a choice about how much time you spend doing either. That kinda limits the field!
This hits close to home. I am going to have to read this book. I’ve learned recently that it takes a lot of effort to remain friends with people especially when you’re a mom. I’ve learned the hard way. My life got busy and I was swamped with work while my SAHM friends would continue to be social without me. Before I knew it, two years had gone by and I found myself buried by work and no social life. I blamed everyone else for forgetting about me, and not caring about what I was doing. I ran into an old friend, who tried to be friendly, but I could sense how uncomfortable she was around me. It was like we were stranger. We decided to go for coffees to catch up. It was then that I learned I was the one that stopped investing. She was hurt. I stopped calling, emailing, texting her. To her, the message was I chose work and family over her. It was my fault that life went on with out me. That was hard to swallow because all this time I thought she was moving on without me. We promised to work on that. But I have to admit, I am scared of failure. I let her down once and my work load is worse now, so who is to say it won’t happen again? My point is, friendships are work. If they are important to you, you invest. They can be lifetime or temporary. You have to choose what is important to you.
Wow, what an interesting book. I definitely need to reach out more! And there’s also the issue of “couple” friends — how to find couples to hang out with who are compatible for both you and your spouse? Why is grown-up life so challenging?