As it is Spring, and in Spring, one’s thoughts turn to venturing outside for quiet little walks in nature, I think it’s only fitting to review Reginald Blakeley’s tome, Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop: And Other Practical Advice in Our Campaign Against the Fairy Kingdom.

Yes!  Contrary to popular belief of fairies as sweet, thoughtful and somewhat glowing…Mr. Blakeley is here to warn us that the Fey folk are in fact very dangerous and oftentimes delicious.

Here is a sample of Mr. Blakeley’s sage wisdom as to why you want to get rid of these henhouse hellions – the goblin curse of a changeling egg;

“The Ungerslud Family of Shropshire was the unlucky recipient of a goblin curse via changeling eggs, for the morning after they were eaten, the lot of them woke up with their legs on backwards, as they remain today. Young Ettie Ungerslud went on to become a source of local pride by clinching the National Backwards Hopscotch Championship later that year, but surely you can imagine that life is not all fun and games under such a curse.”

Not only does Blakeley give instructions on how to rid one’s poultry housing of such beasts, he explains how to rid yourself of pesky household brownies (not the kind you eat), dwarfspotting, how to find and keep tiny fairy cattle, and the proper way to cook and eat leprachauns.

Without this book, I have no doubt that my life (suspiciously free of fairy torment for 46 years) would have eventually been in some sort of peril eventually from the spell of a bi-polar seelie or a iritable flower fairy with allergy issues.

The fact that this book just won the Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year is an additional bonus!

How fortunate that I encountered this lovely book just in time!  I suggest you read it, before it is too late for you too!

Leslie Langtry

This is not a joke.  This truly is a list, about 10 pages long, of animals Mr. Murray thinks he could defeat in single combat, and yes, it IS organized by phylum.

Normally, I wouldn’t review what equates to a booklet.  However, because, 1) This book delivers exactly what the title proposes (and let’s face it – there’s so little truth in advertising these days), and 2) IT WAS HILARIOUS, I had no choice.

Naturally, Mr. Murray starts off with the Sponges.  And who wouldn’t?  I’m pretty sure my lazy, elderly, obese pug Lucy could defeat (most likely eat) a sponge in single combat.  But, as Murray points out, this is ranked in order – which makes the deadly combat with a sponge totally sensible.

I won’t tell you what he ends this list with (it’s a whale). Okay, I won’t tell you how he thinks he would do in a steel cage match (underwater, I assume) with a whale.  Suffice it to say, you will be surprised.

I read this book in bed at night.  My laughter woke the kids and seriously annoyed the dogs.  My husband came in from the garage THREE TIMES in the fifteen minutes I read this to see if I was okay.

My only disappointment, besides the fact that it is so short, is that I didn’t think of it first.  Also, the book is only available as an ebook at Amazon for the moment.  Don’t let that stop you. I’m sure you want to know how it all turns out.

Next time, I will be reviewing an entire book.  Here’s a sneak peek, since you’ve been so patient with me on this review:

Fabulous book!  Look for the review in April!

Leslie Langtry

This book was hiding from me – meaning I had to work hard to find it. This usually makes me cranky. It didn’t in this case.

DRINKING WITH DEAD WOMEN WRITERS is one of those little gems you find buried in unexpected places…such as your weird aunt’s back closet. It is charming and funny and features two of my favorite things, drinking and women writers.

At only little over 100 pages – I could NOT put this book down – consequently staying up very late – something that also usually results in my crankiness.

But how can you be cranky reading interviews in bars with a slightly damp Virginia Woolf (with pockets full of stones), throwing back pitchers of margheritas in Arizona with Erma Bombeck, or partying on something called The Rum Trail with the Bronte sisters? Don’t even get me started on the Dorothy Parker interview. You know what I mean (wiggles eyebrows meaningfully).

Not all the dead women writers are easy interviews. There are some tense moments with Sylvia Plath and that business with the gas oven, naturally – and Emily Dickenson refuses to do anything but hide in another room during her interview while draining a bottle of red.

The authors, Turner and Ambrose, are women I hope to visit bars with once I am dead (call me). Or, I could party with them now (seriously, call me!).

This book will make you smile and giggle – and will definitely satisfy your inner book geek (it sent mine into seizures). I suggest a bold chardonnay or you could drink along with what they drink in each chapter. If you do, make sure there is someone nearby with an adrenaline shot – mostly because you wouldn’t survive it otherwise (especially with Ayn Rand doing all those vodka shots – the lush).

Give this little indie book a shot (with a shot). As two of my favorite philosophers, Bartles and James once said, “You’ll be glad you did.”