Maybe one day women will be able to talk about these things in peace. Maybe some days we do. This was not one of them. Lines were crossed, misconstructions were made, and before I tiptoed off to the 1 train, I was told, in exactly these words: why didn’t I stop theorizing about children and get down to having some?

For the sake of sisterhood and good will toward woman, not to mention the fact that I couldn’t believe my ears, I let it slide. But still. It hurt. Happily, my husband did the proper menschy thing. He gave good shoulder (to cry on) and agreed that there ought to be a special ring of hell for women who commit such crimes against womanity. But even though we were in the non-parenting boat together–and by choice (not that it should matter but it does), I needed to hear from one of my own.

I needed the Savvy Auntie.

The author and chief fairy godmother Melanie Notkin launched Savvy Auntie, first the website, then the book, to answer a similar need for community. And she’s succeeded. With a great sense of humor and a generosity of spirit for women of all stripes and life circumstances. Sure, some of the terms she’s dreamed up are a little cutesie for someone of my (imagined) sophistication, but maybe the trick to getting that generosity of spirit thing is learning to better embrace my freak flag–and everyone else’s.

Turns out I’m a PANK: Professional Aunt No Kids. (Savvy Auntie has an Auntiepedia for the acronymically-challenged.) I can’t say I was surprised to find out I wasn’t alone. I was surprised to find out that nearly 50 percent of the adult women in the United States are nonmoms. Notkin wisely avoids pondering whether this is a good or bad thing for the future of humanity. (There’s more than enough of that going on right now as it is with the world population about to hit seven billion.) Instead she focuses on the contributions every woman (and man) makes to what she calls “the American family village,” whether it is babysitting, taking on extra work during another woman’s maternity leave, contributing toward a niece or nephew’s education or any number of gestures large and small.

The book offers practical advice for women whose babysitting days are further behind them than they’d like to admit–and anyone else looking to brush up on what’s new and hip without actually buying a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. (Too many questions.) Popular baby-wrangling techniques, the latest in stroller technology (dizzying), crib notes (so to speak) on baby’s physical and emotional development.  The most reassuring thing about the book, though, is that it’s impossible to read without realizing that there are as many ways of auntie-ing as there are aunties. The beauty of the role is that we are always extra, except in the direst of circumstances.

I can’t say I wasn’t happy with my life choices before I read Savvy Auntie, but I do feel there’s something to be said about safety–and validation–in numbers. On a practical level, I feel I’ve done a bang-up job in the shopping for toys and gifts that don’t choke the neffs department. But it can’t hurt to have a savvy second opinion.

But when I came home, I fell into a book that makes it clear why the kindle shouldn’t put her older sister out to pasture altogether. Please Read (if at all possible) couldn’t exist in any other form. Photographer Kate Englelbrecht began The Girl Project in 2007 to discover if the vampy, hyper-sexualized girls she saw on TV meant their real-life counterparts were as far removed from her own experience as she feared. She sent disposable cameras and questionnaires to teenage girls throughout the country and found more than 5,000 of them eager to express their own visions of themselves and the world around them. The title is taken from the front of one of the participant’s returned cameras. Offered as an apology for the camera’s late arrival, the (polite) command followed by the self-effacing dodge captures the push-me/pull-me, in-between-ed-ness of adolescence perfectly.

For many of the girls, this was the first time they had taken a picture on film. They could only capture what they saw in front of them–not what they could check on a digital display and retake or delete. I was struck by the difference between what the girls submitted and what I expected to see. There are artful shots, shots that prove girls today are as proud of their messy bedrooms as they were in my day, and shots of body parts that break your heart. (“Never good enough” in marker on a leg. “I love my body” on a belly my inner teen couldn’t help hoping was just a little more curvy.) Sometimes I wished that things had changed more …

The images are striking, but maybe because I’m a word person, I found the text just as interesting. Answers to the questionnaires are reproduced in the girls’ own handwriting, and seeing how they write is as telling as what they write. The microscopic scrawl. The bubble letters and smilie faces. The thoughts and second thoughts and afterthoughts. Englebrecht sent the girls the Proust Questionnaire, a series of questions thought to reveal the subject’s true personality. Some appear in their entirety. Many are gathered together as a collective answer to the question posed. Graphically, the arrangment is powerful. I can only imagine what it might feel like for a girl to see just how many people answered the question, “What are you afraid of?” with “being alone.” I know I hope it makes them feel less so.

Last month I wrote about the rest. Summer wouldn’t feel like summer if I didn’t get to catch up with Falco and Helena and the goings on in ancient Rome.

This month I’m working on the renewal. In summers past I’ve disappeared into the lives of famous and (sometimes more enjoyably) infamous women. I’ve read biographies of Abigail Adams, (of “Remember the Ladies” fame), Georgiana, the Duchess of Devonshire, and Eleanor of Aquitaine—and I would recommend anything any of the biographers I’ve linked to here have written. I also have every intention of reading the copy of Alison Weir’s Mistress of the Monarchy that’s been sitting on my desk since June. But not before I do some wrestling with a woman a little closer to home.

Maybe this time it was the double-whammy of the DSK sex scandal and Anthony Weiner’s slow burn implosion that got me thinking about my personal power shortage once again. Naturally the first place I looked for inspiration was well within my comfort zone, a book by Gloria Feldt , No Excuses: Nine Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power. Feldt may not be the first feminist to call for a reimagination of power, but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone explain the changes they envision in such an accessible way.

We can start by changing the very meaning of power from an oppressive power-over to an expansive concept I call the power-to.

Of course I’d have to be at Hogwarts for a change in wording to bring instant transformation. But it’s a start. My personal power shortage definitely does have something to do with the way I’ve experienced “power-over” in the past; and Feldt’s book offers a roadmap of practical steps to turn a change in thinking into a change in behavior. Best of all, she has a ‘been there, done that’ sense of humor that makes it seem like something real life, imperfect people can do. (The first chapter? “Understand: You’ve come a long way, maybe.” Nothing better than a pun to puncture the bubble of wishful thinking.)

So before I read about any more fancy ladies, I’m going to work on becoming one of them myself.  Why do I feel like I can hear Bette Davis saying, “Fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy night?”

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Two examples of custom message rings from JLD.

The rings retail for $36 and Jamie is offering them to us for $28. Visit her website for more information.