Book Review: Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

All you need is love? Not according to Dr. Eggerich:  Love & Respect, based on Ephesians 5:33 and culminating from Dr. Eggerich’s vast experience in pastoral and marital counseling, focuses on the transformational power of unconditional love and unconditional respect in marriage. Although it is certainly not the most entertaining or captivating book, Dr. Eggerich does successfully capture one of the primary sources of conflict in a majority of marriages: unmet needs.  Dr. Eggerichs postulates that women have an innate need for love and that men have an innate need, not for love, but for respect.  He explains that the failure to have this essential need met results in a cycle of reacting and withholding the other from one’s spouse, dubbed the “Crazy Cycle”.  While this may seem an overly simplistic distillation, it does have merit.  In a highly unscientific poll, I queried my patients over the past week that were experiencing challenges in their marriage: 100% agreed, not only that “love & respect” were an issue, but also that the converse had the potential for restoration.  Dr. Eggerich presents his thesis in the first section, accompanied by many relevant and supportive Biblical quotations.  He follows in the subsequent sections with suggestions for creating an “Energizing Cycle” including specifics on how to express your love/respect in a way that the other spouse can receive; then concludes with the “Rewarded Cycle” and several appendices with practical exercises.  While Eggerich tends to be redundant in his writing style, his message is both valid and useful in application.  I recommend this book for couples that are experiencing difficulties in their relationship or those who want to take their relationship to a higher level through improved communication and greater understanding.

A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook

by Bob Stahl, PhD and Elisha Goldstein, PhD

I have a confession: I am a huge fan of Jon Kabat-Zinn.  Dr. Kabat-Zinn is the founder/father of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, a non-religious form of meditation, that is based on training our consciousness to be in the “present moment”.  This type of meditation can be learned though attending 8-week MBSR classes or clinics (of which there are presently none in Oklahoma), figuring it out from Kabat-Zinn’s book: Full Catastrophe Living, or by attending professional training programs.  Dr. Kabat-Zinn leads such programs through the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY and Watsonville, CA…neither of which are convenient to Edmond Oklahoma.  While I may still attend one of these courses eventually, I was thrilled to find another option:  “A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook.” Written by two of Dr. Kabat-Zinn’s students, Bob Stahl, PhD and Elisha Goldstein, PhD., this workbook presents Dr. Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness Stress Reduction program (MBSR) in an easily accessible workbook-style that is intended for self-study by individuals.

A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook does a wonderful job of leading the individual step-by-step into a meditative practice while explaining the mind-body connections.  It includes mp3 files of guided meditations, a “must” for beginners, and includes sections on mind-body yoga as well as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approaches for anxiety and stress. Although it would be preferable to attend the full eight week MBSR program, this workbook is a delight for those who are unable to do so, yet desire the benefits of mindful living.

The Art of Comforting: What to Say and Do for People in Distress by Val Walker

Do you ever hesitate to say something to someone who has just lost a loved one or experienced some other tragedy for fear of saying the wrong thing?  Is the thought of spending time with someone who is grieving or even just crying anxiety provoking? If so, The Art of Comforting may be the book for you.  In our fast-paced world, comforting has become a lost art.  With each step we take away from face-to-face communication in favor of texting and emoticons, we grow increasingly unfamiliar and unskilled with expressing real compassion and warmth to others who are experiencing distress.

With The Art of Comforting, Val Walker has written “the book she needed but could not find.”  Ms. Walker contrasts the “quick-fix” ways of mainstream culture while clearly delineating the characteristic of being “comforting.”  She expands on many of these characteristic, including: being present & listening, empathetic, respectful, calm, hopeful, validating, and others.  Throughout the book, she shares the wisdom she’s gleaned from interviewing some “comforting professionals.”  Ms. Walker provides useful lists of “do’s & don’ts” as well as “less helpful & more helpful” statements.  The book concludes with lists of comforting things: books, movies, and music. However the items included here are not entirely intuitive. Did she really need to include music by The Pussycat Dolls and the movie Mad Max? Despite being somewhat disorganized and rambling at times, this is a good review of a much needed subject. (expected release date: 10/28/10)

50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology: Shattering Widespread Misconceptions about Human Behavior by Scott Lilienfeld, Steven Lynn, John Ruscio, and Barry Beyerstein.

Do most people in their 40’s to early 50’s experience a midlife crisis? Do psychiatric admissions go up during a full moon? Can playing Mozart to infants boost their intelligence? Do most people only use 10% of their brain power? Is low self-esteem a major cause of psychological problems?

From Oprah and Dr. Oz to the nightly news, we are constantly exposed to psychological concepts on a daily basis.  While some of this information is factual and can be useful, a great deal of what we believe to be true is actually myth and misconception.  Professors Lilienfeld, Lynn, and Ruscio have taken on the task of “Mythbusting” in the field of Psychomythology.  This is a refreshing and fun look at many of the concepts that have been accepted as fact by our popular culture.  It is refreshing to find a scientific, evidence-based approach to psychological ideas in a time that has become so dominated by subjective experience.  This books reviews 50 of the most popular psychological myths and explores both the facts and misconceptions surrounding each of these topics.  This book is sure to spur interesting conversations at your next cocktail party or social gathering.  Prepare to join the ranks of the Mythbusters as you will soon be equipped to set the record straight.