BEAUTY QUEENS by Libba Bray – reviewed by Leslie Langtry

Posted on February 2, 2012 by Leslie Thompson

You’ve seen LOST, you’ve read LORD OF THE FLIES, and you maybe even remember GILLIGAN’S ISLAND (a show I’ve only seen in syndication of course)…but what happens when it’s a plane load of teen beauty queens that crashes on an uncharted tropical island? Will Miss Texas be able to motivate the girls into a sequin and spandex-encased survival team? Will the crash make it more difficult for Miss Nebraska to win Miss Congeniality? Will they ever be able to dislodge the airline tray embedded in Miss New Mexico’s forehead?

Miss Texas – one Taylor Rene Krystal Hawkins – armed with her signature pink lip gloss and channeling G. Gordon Liddy, takes charge from the start. Once organized into two teams: The Sparkle Ponies stay on the beach to help the wounded, while The Lost Girls head into the jungle to look for missing shoes, teeth-bleaching trays and the back half of the airplane.

Throw in a shadowy corporation of sinister characters determined to make sure the girls never go anywhere, some reality show pirate teen boys, and military grade c-4 and you have a book you will never, ever want to put down.

I love funny books. I will be reviewing a lot of them, because, quite frankly, the good ones are hard to find. It was the book’s cover that drew me in. The blonde hair, banner and bandolier of lipsticks spoke to me somehow. There are days when I wish I was armed with an array of power Chanel lipsticks, an intimidating pair of PRADA kitten heels, she-really-means-business Dior mascara and a killer IT bag. Oh the things I could do…

I must admit that I was a little worried at first when I started this book – howling with guilty pleasure at the characterizations of these Miss Teen Dream beauty queens. I was afraid that the girls would be vapid and shallow throughout (BTW, I would’ve finished it no matter what). I needn’t have worried (thus avoiding deep frown lines, thankfully). Ms. Bray does an excellent job of showing the growth of these characters as they follow a dark and delightful story arc. Seeing these girls grow (gasp) hair on their legs, build huts and set up booby traps was more inspirational and fun than having a three-martini luncheon with Tina Fey, Michelle Obama and Lady GaGa.

This is a black comedy and a brilliant satire – which means that some people won’t like it. (Personally, I don’t know who, but there’s always someone.) People die or are dead. Bad guys want to kill nice, teen girls. Not very nice things happen occasionally.

But if you like to laugh out loud while reading and enjoy thinking now and then, you MUST give it a try. I loved BEAUTY QUEENS, and I’m willing to bet my rhinestone, silver-plated tiara that you will too.

A BRAND NEW ME

Posted on February 9, 2009 by malenalott

A Brand New me by Shari Low

First line: “Three…two…one…Happy New Year!”

Leni’s new year looks just as bland, and downright pathetic, as the year before it. And the year before that. But this year Leni is taking matters into her own hands…or is she? She does find a new job, though it’s wacky – working for a popular psychic who runs a TV show and who assigns her new employee up for some wild research on finding true love based on astrological signs.

The premise is clever, one blind date per sign, offering us up one nightmarish situation after another, from the narcissist to the guy whose mother applied for him. We never quite feel like Leni really hopes to find the guy of her dreams this way, and as a reader I was hoping for a little more optimism and little less sarcasm, but the book is supposed to be humorous and it delivers wholeheartedly. Besides, most of the guys are cads, and she can smell a stinker straight away.

BRAND NEW reminds Americans why we fell in love with Bridget Jones Diary – witty and wonderful characters who happen to be British and, well, hearing their accent in our heads doesn’t hurt, either. Low is extremely gifted – she does witty winningly.

Humor pulls the plot along, from one gut-busting episode to the next. You can easily imagine someone like Jennifer Aniston – okay, someone ten years younger than JA – playing the part like a season of Friends in New York or a nice Lifetime movie. The ending is feel-good and plausible. Those hoping for any astrological insight won’t get it in the book, but it’s a fun, entertaining read sure to lift your spirits during this otherwise depressing time in the country.

For: All ‘signs’ point to a hilarious read worth your time.- Malena Lott

Available at www.amazon.co.uk

Wives Behaving Badly

Posted on June 12, 2008 by malenalott

Wives Behaving Badly, by Elizabeth Buchan

First line: “On my wedding day, I got dressed in a full red silk skirt and a black jacket to hide my ten-week pregnant figure.”

I can’t quite describe the state of awe I was in while reading the whole novel. I’m not sure if it’s because I realized I’ve never read a single novel about a mistress-becoming-second wife or much about a man’s struggle with middle age or because there were such poignant turn of events throughout. Nonetheless, this well-written, expertly executed novel about the struggles of a second wife is highly recommended by this first and only wife/never mistress reviewer.

For: Taking a peek inside a life wholly different (or is it?) from your own. – Malena Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

Remember Me?

Posted on May 5, 2008 by malenalott

Remember Me?, Sophie Kinsella

First line: “Of all the crap, crap, crappy nights I’ve ever had in the whole of my crap life.”

Lexi Smart has always been known as Snaggletooth – and she admits that the nickname is not unwarranted. That is until she wakes up in hospital with perfect white teeth, a fab new bag, and missing three years of her life. Sophie Kinsella’s Remember Me? is a delightfully fun read full of Kinsella’s humor and heart.

For: Days when erasing a bit of your life sounds pretty damn enticing. –Jenny Coon Peterson

Buy it now on Amazon!