Tag Archives: memoir

Two Kisses for Maddy

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I don’t remember exactly when I heard the story of Matt Logelin. It could have been through social media or a blurb in a magazine. But it was a story that immediately moved me.

I invested hours reading the story of Matt and his wife Liz. They shared a communication that I could relate to, grounded as much in mutual schadenfreude as it is in respect and love. I got them, I understood their connection. I immersed myself in his raw, emotional blog that told the story of how Liz died the day after daughter Madeline (Maddy) was born and how Matt was left to care for their daughter. I would read it for hours after putting my kids to bed, only to return to their rooms, tears streaming down my face, to hug them and gain some bit of reassurance that I was okay. Because his words were that powerful; his story and honesty that real.

And I wasn’t the only one moved by his honesty. People from around the world pitched in to help this man in his grief and newly-minted parenthood, showering him with kind words and helpful packages. In turn, he kept us all up to date with the progress he was making as Maddy’s dad through his blog, his words and an amazing number of photographs that he posted there.

All of the amazing people who reached out to him caused him to begin the Liz Logelin Foundation, a 501(c) 3 non-profit which provides support to young widows, widowers and their children.

Eventually, Matt also wrote a book, Two Kisses for Maddy that tells even more of the story. Even those who have read the blog from the first post to the most current, this book uncovers more about Matt and Maddy and Liz than you knew before.

I was most moved by the fact that, despite having every reason to crumble and get angry, Matt did just the opposite. He focused on daughter Maddy as his inspiration and has thrived as her parent. He built an amazing world and support network for her all while navigating through the most intense grief.

And I applaud him. This is an amazing book that shows the best of humanity.

I must provide a warning like the one that Matt himself provides on his blog: his writing deals with very mature themes like sadness and death, and sometimes there are lots and lots of bad words. Two Kisses for Maddy also contains many bad words, but this is an honest look at how Matt lived his life, and those words are necessary because they are a part of him and his story.

Find Two Kisses for Maddy at your local retailer or online. Visit Matt’s blog at mattlogelin.com to read more.

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Two Kisses for Maddy is one of the nine recommended gifts for Mom for Mother’s Day. See our whole list in this video!

Q+A with Author Julie Metz

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interviewed by Malena Lott

The questions I asked Julie Metz, the author of our October Top Pick PERFECTION, are ones I would usually ask an author about a character in a novel, not about someone’s personal life. Julie is the character. Her late husband plays both the love interest and the antagonist. She found out about his infidelity after his death, and her story takes us through that journey. I love memoirs because they can show us real courage through tragedy. Julie, thank you for sharing your story through the book and by being our guest today at Book End Babes. Join me in welcoming her.

Q: Writing about such a personal tragedy had to be both therapeutic and emotionally trying. How did you get through the tough times writing the book?
A: The writing experience was very intense and emotional. Since writing a book is all about rewriting and revising there were particular passages that were truly painful to revisit. But ultimately being patient and persistent really helped. Each time I worked through a section, I became calmer and I gained insights that I hoped I could share with readers.

Q: You found out about your husband’s infidelity after his death. What would you have done if you’d discovered it before he died?
A: It’s hard to know what I would have done. If he hadn’t died, I would have been much less informed about what was going on. He would have been able to control the narrative to a certain degree and I wouldn’t have had access to his journals or e-mails. Looking back to then, I know I had so much invested in my marriage and in my identity as a wife. I think he would have tried to persuade me to give him another chance and I think I would have given him that chance. I would have wanted to try for my daughter’s sake. But with my present understanding of how deep our troubles were I do not think our relationship would have lasted long-term.

Q: Oprah has said, “you are not your mistakes”. What did you come to realize about your marriage after the fact?
A: Over time, I found that I had compassion both for my husband and the self-destructive choices he made and for myself, being blind to what had been going on. He and I both made mistakes. I have tried to start over with an understanding that I will still make mistakes every day. I feel genuine sorrow for my husband because he did not have a chance to do the same.

Q: What did you learn about yourself through this ordeal?
A: I learned that I was tougher than I thought I was, but I also came to understand the importance of asking for help when you need it.

Q: What advice do you have for wives who may suspect their husbands of cheating?
A: I think that if you have a nagging feeling of trouble in your relationship you should honor that feeling. However painful it might be, it is better to open your mind to the idea of what might be going on than to shut yourself down. Some marriages can survive infidelity, but the sooner you confront the issues in your relationship the better, whatever the outcome might be.
Don’t panic, though you might feel that urge. Find someone you can talk to openly about the state of your marriage. This might be a friend, your mom, or perhaps a professional therapist if that is a resource available to you.
Be patient with yourself. However bleak things might look, you can make things better for yourself. You are stronger than you think!

Thanks again, Julie. Book babes, you can buy Perfection by clicking on the cover in the sidebar. It would definitely provide great discussion for your next book club! – ML

127 Hours – Danny Boyle Brings Story of Survival to the Big Screen

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Imagine this…

You day starts out perfect.  Just you, the sun shining down, hiking and climbing through the beautiful canyons of Utah’s Canyonlands National Park.  You have told no one where you have gone, because this is a hike you have made many time before.  You are familiar with the land.  You are confident in your knowledge.  You are secure in your skills and the abilities of your own body.

Yet this hike will not end like so many that you have done before.

Before day’s end, tragedy has struck.  A boulder falls on you, pinning your arm against a canyon wall.  No one knows where you are.  No one can hear your cries for help.  You have only a few supplies.  A video camera, a flashlight, a bottle of water, climbing gear, a backpack. And over the next 127 hours, with no one else to rely on, and while death surely hovers over your shoulder, you must decide whether you will live, or whether you will die.

“Between a Rock and a Hard Place” details the events of 2003 that ultimately found the 28 year-old hiker entrapped in a canyon for six days.  With his water supply dwindling, and his thoughts becoming increasingly confused, Ralston sets up the video camera he has in his backpack and begins to document what has happened to him, and makes heartbreaking farewell messages to his family.  In the face of unimaginable adversity, Ralston makes a decision that to most is simply unfathomable.  Ralston self-amputates his trapped arm, rappels one-armed down a hill, and then makes a six mile hike before he reaches help.

Most of us could never, ever imagine having to make these kinds of decisions, and as you read the book, you will ask yourself many times, “Could I do the same thing if I had to?”  “Between a Rock and a Hard Place” details the tenacity, urgency and power of the human spirit in the face of what can only be described as a nightmare, but what the book also brilliantly shows is just how full and rewarding life can be, even after tragedy strikes.  There are many lessons to be learned from reading “Between a Rock and a Hard Place,” including the nature of adversity and tragedy.  Aron’s message is clear.  He calls his accident “a gift from the wilderness.”  He compares the gift like a sweater you receive from your grandmother…you are expected to wear it, to use it.  Aron was given the gift of his own life, and his own attitude towards these events are what I find the most fascinating thing about his whole story.  Aron continues to climb and hike.  He is a motivational speaker, and continues to do work for environmental and political causes, as well as the Utah Wilderness Coalition.

The film 127 HOURS is based upon hiker Aron Ralston’s moving memoir “Between a Rock and a Hard Place,” and is directed by the amazingly talented Danny Boyle (“Slumdog Millionaire”).  James Franco plays Aron Ralston in this Fox Searchlight film.  I have had the opportunity to see this film, and can tell you that it is everything you would expect from a Danny Boyle film.  It is unique, compelling, uplifting.  Make sure you look for the film in theaters beginning in November.

I love this video of Aron giving a motivational speech. In the video he says:  “Life is not about the accomplishments.  When I was in that canyon, those were not the things I thought about.  It was the people I loved.  They kept me going when I knew I had to take one more step.  Then one more step.  Life is about relationships.  Life is about how you love and how you allow yourself to be loved.”  Do yourself a favor and take a break and watch the entire video.  Then make sure to check out the trailer for 127 HOURS. Then leave me a comment and tell me what you think. ,

Side Dish: My mother Grandma

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To celebrate TRAVELING WITH POMEGRANATES by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Taylor Kidd, a mother-daughter writing duo, and one of our Top Picks for the month, we’re talking mom-dot relationships in Side Dish. I’m pleased to kick things off with a tribute to the woman who mothered me, my grandmother Zola Mae Brown, and today HAPPENS TO BE HER BIRTHDAY. I’ll light a candle and send those loving wishes to the Universe. I know her spirit can feel my love and gratitude for her.

In POMEGRANATES, Sue and Ann travel to Greece, where each is at a crossroads of sorts in their lives: Sue is looking for a creative rebirth as she ages and contemplates writing fiction, while Ann is in graduate school deciding who she wants to be and who she should spend her life with. Their relationship has morphed – as all parent-child relationships must when the child becomes an adult, yet Sue craves a closer relationship with her daughter. She can tell her daughter is depressed, but doesn’t know how to broach the subject without pushing her away.

gramsI would’ve loved the opportunity to travel alone with my grandmother when I reached adulthood. We lived a simple, comfortable life in western Oklahoma, where are only travels were by car or RV in my younger years. After junior high, vacations nearly stopped altogether, though we occasionally visited family in nearby towns. Grandma died when I was 19, just after my freshman year at the University of Oklahoma. I’ve written often about that experience of becoming a motherless daughter twice – first when my mother gave custody of us to my paternal grandparents when we were 4, 3 and 1; and then again, when I lost my grandma to heart disease. Daughters not only want to be all raised up, but to have our mothers there for our adult milestones – marriage, birth, the circle of life. Otherwise life feels incomplete, like a fast-moving car with a missing wheel.

Since I’m the oldest of three girls, we traveled in packs. The only alone time I had with Grandma would be at night at tuck-in or visiting her quilt room where she was busy working on her next creation. She was a good listener, sure in her advice which was plucked straight from the Bible about doing unto others, not judging until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, telling the truth and forgiving transgressions. Like most mothers, she weaved these lessons into our daily lives, creating a moral quilt I could carry within my heart and pass down through the generations.

I’m thankful for the years we had together and our travels across the country, communing with nature one RV hook-up at a time. Mount Rushmore, Grand Canyon, Old Faithful. The joy and sense of adventure in getting away from our daily schedules brought us closer together – hiking up mountains, boating on blue waters, gathering around a picnic table surrounded by thousand year old trees. Because of these special memories, I make it a point to do the same for my family of five.

In POMEGRANATES, Sue begins to appreciate, and even envy, her mother’s love of hearth and home. Her mother and my grandmother shared this passion for motherhood and all it’s accoutrements – why else would my grandmother do it all over again after she’d raised her three boys. For her, it wasn’t only the “right thing to do”; she did it with a joyful heart. It wasn’t until I became a mother myself that I tapped into the mother love connection and its powerful hold on your heart.

If you’re reading this, and your mother (or the woman who raised you) is still living, I encourage you to take time for a special trip away from Normal, to reconnect, laugh and share. If you’re like me and have children in the home, I hope you’ll consider adding more adventure into your lives, even if they are just day trips to enjoy the changing seasons, watch a waterfall, or bunker down in a cabin as snow falls all around you this winter. And since our sorority is based on great friendships, I hope you’ll plan something special with your girlfriends while you’re at it. I hope you’ll consider reading POMEGRANATES as a book club or with your mother, too.

If you’re a Book End Babe chapter member or an author, I invite you to send in a side dish essay this month about your own mother-daughter story. Send it to bookendbabes at me dot com along with a photo of you and your mother or daughter.

Happens Every Day

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HAPPENS EVERY DAY by Isabel Gillies
First Line: One late August afternoon in our new house in Oberlin, Ohio, my husband, Josiah, took it upon himself to wallpaper the bathroom with pictures of our family.
This memoir by actress Isabel Gillies (Law & Order, SVU) is a piercing, heartwrenching look at the rapid demise of her happily-ever-after, made worse by the knowledge that she had no idea there was anything much wrong with her happy marriage.
New York born-and-bred Gillies, who abandoned her acting career to follow her poetry professor husband to his postings in various universities, is the mother of two very  young boys when they settle into the small midwestern town of Oberlin. At first not wild about transplanting to the midwest, she soon flourishes there, all the while unaware that her husband’s love for her is unravelling faster than a kite string on a windy midwestern day. After buying and remodeling a beloved 1800′s-era home and settling into a life unlike anything to which she’d become accustomed, her husband announces he wants out. Gillies seems to take a long time to finally acknowledge that a sexy half-French fashionista/fellow instructor in the English department is at the root of the problem, and instead seems to hold out hope that her husband will eventually realize that what he’s doing is wrong. And she seems to have not heeded the warning that her husband had already abandoned his first wife and small child, so clearly lacked the scruples that she wanted to attach to him to assure herself he’d never do such a thing.
This book had me from the first page. I hated to watch her world fall to pieces but couldn’t help but keep turning the page to find out if for some crazy happenstance it would all work out in the end. While I admire her ability to take the high road and not ultimately vilify her now ex-husband, I wanted to personally smack him upside his head for his incredible selfishness, and wanted her to be more assertive, particularly with the other woman. 
Gillies has a charming, disarming voice that draws the reader in and keeps you wanting more.
For: Anyone who’s interested in relationships. -Jenny Gardiner